I arrived home to Rivendell, to rendezvous with the High Elves, who greeted me with open arms. Before me, they prepared a marvelous gathering where kings and princes from far and wide came to feast and mingle. Master Elrond has always been quite a charmer, hosting these luxurious parties both to display his wealth, and to improve relations with the other nations of the Free Peoples. For me, the partygoers also raised their goblets, and we drank to my victory at Cirith Ungol, in celebration of the vanquishing of the Plague of Blood.
As I ate and drank, and talked with many a Lord and Steward, I could relax at last. The nightmare of the battle was over, and once more I could breathe an air, clean and fresh. I did my very best to keep my wits about me, denying myself of too much wine, so that I could watch my tongue easily before these aristocrats, and keep silent on matters that I need not dwell on.
All was well and splendid, when to my surprise, a troop of elves came to me, the tallest of them calling to me from within the spoiled presence of the princes. It was the Archmage of the loremasters, who came to see me, having heard both of my heroic deeds, and of my intention to come before them. How he knew my desires, I couldn't imagine, but I was overjoyed to follow him and his fellow students into the green fields, where I would show them what I could do.
My first parlor tricks were not as amusing to the elves as I hoped. A will-o-wisp, a shape-shifting between fox and man, a brilliant display of multicolored sparks--they all made the loremasters chuckle with growing contempt. No kidding--these ones wanted to see the full extent of my abilities. And so I asked of them to prepare a group of barrels and hay stacks for me to target, just as they did when they practiced bending the winds and rains. For the first time, the loremasters beheld my arts--my incantations and mumblings bringing a grand eruption of flames from the grass beneath the targets. A raging vent of flames opened up from the ground before me to incinerate the training targets, devouring them and reducing them to bright ashes. It caused a great commotion all around, as the loremasters hastily conjured the clouds to put out the roaring flames before they could reach the partygoers and their kegs of flammable drinks.
I was quite embarrassed. I guess I didn't know what to expect, displaying such a different elemental prowess compared to these ones. The archmage of the loremasters muttered to his students, and the students to one another, while I stood there, looking over the grains of charcoal and soot. Then he approached me, speaking reluctantly of denying that I join them in their studies. He explained to me, with honesty and truth. The loremasters were sworn to combat evil forces, with the blessings of the Ainur granting them the knowledge of the natural world. And so, they were forsworn to using the powers of nature in the defense of the elven realm. There was no place for a wielder of such a profane and destructive force as fire, said he. The presence of this form of magic was a sign, that though my heart and mind were somewhat trained in the arts of magic, my mind was incomplete in its knowledge, and my heart was burdened with a dual nature that I had yet to restore balance to. And so, I am not yet prepared to join the guild of the loremasters, until I resolve both of these issues.
Coming back to the celebration at hand, my mind drifted away from the joy I had in being watched by the loremasters, and towards what had been revealed to me through fire and smoke. I was cast away from the Istari long ago, before my training could be completed. Where could I finish my studies? And the weight on my heart? Perhaps I am not as aware of it myself. I have always felt somewhat lost, ever since losing my right to be among the Five Wizards as their servant. Again, I have heard a whisper in the back of my mind--a Black Speech that somehow pieced itself together in a way I could understand. And yet I knew not what it meant... The memory of that apparition clashing with me still haunts my mind. Something about him... Causes my thoughts to return.
As I tried to drown out the dark voice from my mind with wine, Lady Arwen took notice that my smiles and laughter were silenced, and so she took me away from the banquet, putting me to bed. All that night long, I could still hear the faintest of whispers of that ancient spirit, pervading through my dreams, echoing within my spinning head. What is he saying? What are the words? What do they mean?