* * *
Ah yes! Free at last, free at last! Free as a sailboat, and strong my mast!
My escape from the dirty dwarves,
And the gnarled goblins,
And the obscene orcs,
And the wailing wraith,
Have all made me wary,
But it has all been legendary!
How so may I now celebrate and revel,
In victories of proud and ancient level,
Through fields and wilds I fly, running,
No creature of the future will match my cunning!
The books of men will record me, Huzzah! Ha ha!
As Festus, the Red Wizard, the luckiest adventurer of Arda.
Into Lorien I go,
For I tire of desert and snow,
I need to keep my head low.
Behold! The Red Wizard transforms!
To hide in the wilds and wood,
Out of sight for good.
Now my fur will warm my toes,
And for pleasure and rest, I follow my nose.
The Fox trots through shade and shadow,
Into the beautiful lands of forest and meadow.
My ears swivel atop my head alert,
My nose wiggling for dinner and dessert.
What is this? Looks like a fortress,
But also a tree from trunk to buttress.
Familiar, yes and no.
It's like I have seen before, just not in this place though.
And of course, it's crawling with elves!
These ones all look wary.
What are they expecting that's so scary?
No matter. My opportunity arises to reward myself for my troubles,
From the mountains to the valleys to even the wastelands of Mordor,
I shall not wait a moment longer.
The temptation is so great...
… Through shadow and shade, I make my way inside,
These big tall slender pointy-eared doofuses couldn't find me, and I didn't even hide!
Did they not notice my big, beautiful, red coat,
And my bushy tail?
Maybe through day and night they've stood awake without rest,
The patrol does look somber and tired, so no wonder their ears and eyes fail.
What enemy are they awaiting?
I know not, and care not... my prize... it is waiting.
Sneaky I slink and skulk down steps and around every corner,
Silent are my paws down every corridor.
To forget my horrors upon facing The Ghostly King,
I vow to treat myself to a feast, a little bit of everything!
And zounds! What before my eyes, should appear?
There is more food and drink than I could ever imagine in here.
Uncountable barrels of wine,
On these fruits, salads, cheeses and poultry I now dine.
This is so unreal! Why do they have so much down here?
I'm sure they won't mind, and won't even notice,
What will be missing, so I need not fear.
Reckless abandon! Everything tastes so sweet,
So fresh and juicy is the chicken meat,
With bread rolls that crumble in my canine teeth,
What a glorious meal this will be.
The leg of a turkey, a bottle of wine,
And the cheese! Simply to die for.
These buffoons of elves could never catch me now,
But at least they're great at cooking some chow.
I seem to be getting quite full,
but it all tastes so good—I want more,
Never have I dined on such reserves before,
I can feel the wine warming my heart and soul.
I am staggering and stumbling, giggling in quiet bliss,
I've tried to reach that big roasted beast up there, but I leapt and I missed!
Banged my head upon a wooden cork,
I'm seeing stars, no! Birds! NO! STORKS!
Alas, I have fallen into a great red vat,
Like a big juicy orange, so round and fat,
from the delicacies I have devoured, this delightful hour.
Some spigots around me, I gnaw off with my teeth,
And now the vat fills with red juices, so fruity and sweet.
My head dizzy, my body weakens—Bathing in sweet wine!
So much to eat, so much to drink,
I'd hope this would never end, or so I might think...
… Something is wrong.
No. Wait. What was that sound?
Was it a song?
I look all around.
But I can barely see,
In trouble is me!
I must get out of this place,
before anyone sees my face.
But I'm so heavy. Heavy and drowsy.
I can see a shadow!
If I could just pick my paws up and flee,
You can't see me! Don't see me! Don't get me!
Why can't I move? I'm too round and swollen to flee.
Too drunken to flee.
My foxy disguise is all that can now save me...